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Can’t we just get rid of negative feelings and be happy?

Many people strive for happiness, the self development world is packed with top tips to silence your demons and think positively. These are all well intended but also concerning, the preoccupation of obliterating any so called negative feelings doesn’t make you happy, it can just store up problems for later...

It’s important to remember that uncomfortable feelings mean one of two things:

They are either a MISTAKE or a MESSAGE

If they are a mistake, in that your mind has coded something inaccurately or you have a disproportionate response to something (like a phobia or a fear of talking in public), then the work is in recoding the mistake. This is where a lot of the great tools, for example those used in NLP like reframing, sub modalities work and anchoring can be really useful - to help recode what your mind has mistakenly linked together.

If it is a message then trying to get rid of the negative feelings will only make things worse in the long run. Like physical pain, uncomfortable feelings are a signal that something is not OK and that you need to do something about it and address the pain or feeling. As anyone who has experienced pain will know, ignoring it is not a good strategy.

To face into the messages is not easy, it’s understandable that many people would prefer to plaster over these feelings and take a quick fix option. This won’t resolve the situation and actually, with the right support of a good coach or therapist, is usually much less painful than you might think.

Watch this short video on Beware the temptation of a quick fix to find out more.

So next time you experience an unpleasant reaction, instead of reframing it or ignoring it, take some time to reflect - is this a mistake or a message? What could the message be? And then pay attention.

This short video on how to get off the rollercoaster of life explains how you can achieve this.

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