While a lot of us have issues with how others impact our time, it’s often ourselves who can be an even bigger block to getting things done. So, rather than pointing the finger elsewhere, this article is all about taking a look at our own habits when it comes to sabotaging time.
We all have the same number of hours and minutes in the day, but some people get more done. This could be because they’ve learnt how to master their internal conflicts that affect how they use their time.
We’ll cover some examples and help you with some tips for resolution, based on ideas from our book, Time Mastery. We’ll also share a link to a Monkey Puzzle online quiz; designed to give you quick wins for turning around your use of time.
The internal conflict time drain
An internal conflict is where two or more things are important to us. You can probably relate to how it feels to know what you’d prefer to be doing but ‘I need to get X done first’ gets in the way. Or, feeling the pull of a work project or deadline vs spending time with the family or a partner.
We often worry about one thing while trying to do the other – and actually do neither very well. When you are able to resolve internal conflicts, you not only feel better, more relaxed and in control, you are also much clearer on what you are doing. This makes doing what is important to you so much easier.
Identifying your time conflicts
One of the reasons we often don’t realise conflict is happening to us is that it always has. As humans we grow up witnessing differences of opinion and start to learn to balance the competing priorities we hear. Without knowing it consciously, we start to try and resolve them. Should I be doing this – or that? Should I be free flowing, or disciplined?
Here are some common internal conflicts; see which ones you can relate to:
Internal Conflict #1: Freedom vs Security
These are very contrasting but competing needs. You can spend a lot of time thinking about whether you have enough security (usually financial) and contrasting this with the freedom type experiences you’d like to follow and the potential regret of not doing them.
Internal Conflict #2: Me Time vs Others
This can feel like a constant trade off. In work we may have our own objectives but feel the need to devote time to others. At home we may be torn between working to support family and giving time to them – both of which impacts our own time. Guilt comes into play as we work through what doing the right thing looks like.
Internal Conflict #3: Work vs Relaxation
We’ve all been here for this one. We often dream about relaxing but then can’t relax when we try to. This is not helped by an increasingly ‘always connected’ world and the blurring lines between home and work. Again, we fail to do either properly and are never fully satisfied or refreshed.
Internal Conflict #4: Ideal Job vs Family Responsibility
This can feel like a no win situation. Sometimes the job we want to do seems out of reach due to the responsibilities we have. Expectations of salary levels or aversion to risk mean we don’t do what we’d really like to. But, the outcome could be better for everyone – if only we could find a way to get there.
Resolving internal conflicts – a 3 step process
The good news is that conflicts that affect time can be resolved. We’ve developed a 3-step reflective process that we go into in more depth in the Time Mastery book. It looks like this:
Step 1: What is the positive intention of each side? Despite these being conflicts, you are wrestling with what you see as positives, so list them out and trust what pops into your head. This will help you evaluate the pros and cons of each.
Step 2: Recognise and appreciate each side of the conflict. This is about not taking sides. It will help you reduce the struggle and you will feel less resentful about the conflict, and importantly – spend less time on it.
Step 3: Negotiate the compromises. If you haven’t already resolved your conflicts, this will help to reduce the time you are spending on trying to make a decision. A compromise is about meeting the needs of both so for example, in an ideal Job vs Family Responsibility outcome, could you train for something closer to your ideal job, while maintaining your family responsibilities?
Once you have worked through these steps, don’t try to tackle everything at once. Decide which is your key conflict first and begin working on that. You won’t resolve everything at the first attempt but gradually, as clarity emerges, so will more time.
Avoid these other time saboteurs
It’s also worth reflecting on some of the other observations we cover in Time Mastery. You won’t help yourself by spending time reflecting on conversations or situations that have already happened. It’s easy to bring negative situations back to the front of our minds which take up space (and time) from the resolution you need to find.
You may also be waiting for a ‘perfect’ outcome – it may never come. As with some of the examples we’ve given, internal conflicts are resolved by compromise to find a way forward that’s clearer and actually attainable. Perfection rarely is, if it exists at all. If you feel like you are making progress, take that as the positive it is.
In conclusion
Decisions are rarely as clear as black and white. We all have internal conflicts but the longer we take to resolve them, the less time we have to do the things we are trying to find the time to do. Conflicts are often resolved through compromise. There are no quick wins, the irony is that it takes time to find time, but the effort will be worth it as you achieve the things you want to do.
Further reading:
Beware the time suckers – how to deal with people who waste your time
Take our ‘Time Sabotage’ assessment
From your internal conflicts to other issues, there are a lot of things that impact on and sabotage our time. Our quick online assessment will help you find your top Time Sabotagers. It’s completely free, confidential and doesn’t require any personal data.
