Monkey Puzzle Blog

Partner tired of selfish behaviour

Are you too Selfish?

Selfish - it doesn’t even sound good does it? That is because for many of us it takes us back to childhood when a well meaning teach or parent used it to tell us off.
The problem with ‘selfish’ is that all too often people use it to judge and scold others or to stop themselves from doing what they want to do. Where does self respect, self esteem, self determination end and selfishness begin?

When you are tempted to use the word “Selfish” either about yourself or others, my suggestion is pause and think about what is actually happening.

Here are a few ideas that will help:

Behaviour by others that you would previously have labelled Selfish

Ask yourself, what is it about their behaviour that you are reacting to? Is it a lack of consideration for your feelings or those of others or are they doing something at a time or in a way that doesn’t suit you?

If it is you could instead say “I don't like the way you’re behaving” or “I don’t agree with what you are proposing, it seems to take no account of what I (others) need”

Behaviour by you labelled selfish by others

Where this happens consider responding:

  • What is it about what I am doing or saying that you don’t like? or
  • I am expressing what I want in this situation as it is important to me. Is there anything about what I am saying that you disagree with?

The key again is to communicate with the other person to get more data (feedback) on what is happening for them to improve the situation.

Not doing something because you are frightened of being labelled selfish (You may even label it selfish yourself)

Ask yourself, “What is it that is really stopping me?” Are you

    • Frightened I fail or, heaven forbid, succeed?
    • Worried that someone else will be upset by what i am saying or proposing to do?

It’s ok to want what you want

Practice expressing your own wants and needs, avoid labelling other people’s behaviour as selfish and you may find that as you move forward you allow yourself and others to have more of what you and they want.

Looking to start a career as a Coach or Consultant in 2018? Join the Mind Mastery programme which combines a certification in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) with an ILM Level 3 or 5 Coaching and Mentoring Qualification. Find out more here.

Did you know that the secret to career success is not about your knowledge of qualifications - it’s YOU - find out more in this short video.

Find out more about NLP in one of our Free Webinars.

How Can We help?

How else can we help?

If you’d like our support in making these ideas work for you and your business, please get in touch.

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